Forget about Thrillist, Google Reviews, Lonely Planet, Yahoo Reviews, Yelp, Ask Jeeves, other New York friends, prophetic fever dreams, and Groupon. This is the authoritative guide to New York City from a true New Yorker who's lived in the big city for five months.
Over the past few months, Rachel and I have really gotten to get to know the city. We wanted to put together a guide of New York's dark underbelly, to help out any of our friends thinking about coming to visit. Without further ado, here's our list of the city's greatest hidden treasures:
5. Times Square: A Cultural Treasure
Where to even begin? This underground hot spot is a true diamond in the rough. Literally. People have trouble finding it, because little known fact, it's not actually a square, it's more of a triangle/diamond shape. Times Square is a must-see for every tourist. Here, you can see celebrities like Elmo and Spider-Man rubbing shoulders at trendy restaurants like Olive Garden. Don't forget to tip one of the many lucky homeless people to bring your family fortune for years to come!
4. The Statue of Liberty: Liberty, Petrified
The Statue of Liberty is another buried treasure. As chronicled in 'The Planet of the Apes' documentary, the statue was actually buried in sand for years until we evolved and dug it up. Once a beacon of liberty in the faraway lands of Canada, a band of merry Americans sneaked across the border one night and stole it during a series of quickly-escalating pranks. They then hid it on an island near Manhattan to taunt any Canadian boaters coming to the city. Also, you can hang out in her hat.
3. Central Park: A Centrally-Located Park
Need a break from the concrete jungle? There's a little-known REAL jungle RIGHT in the middle of Manhattan. There's even a zoo with real lions, just like a real jungle. Here, you can find hundreds of desperate joggers, trying to escape the maze they accidentally wandered into. It's also a great spot for a quick swim, to cool off on a hot summer day. A little movie trivia--this is the jungle that Robin William spent decades in during the filming of 'Jumanji.' You can also stop by the Boathouse Restaurant, where Carrie Fisher dined in 'When Harry Met Sally' shortly before her untimely death!
2. Chinatown: Like China, but smaller!
I don't want to spoil it for you! Just go watch 'Big Trouble In Little China' for an idea of what you're getting into.
1. McDonald's Right Next To Our Apartment: Tasty & Fast
You've probably heard someone's mad ramblings about the delicious foods of New York City. I can say definitively, 100 percent of the time, they are referring to this McDonald's right across the street from our apartment. This is hands down the best McDonald's myself or Rachel have ever had the pleasure of eating. It's some sort of futuristic fast food joint on the inside, complete with touchscreens and burgers that supposedly compete with the likes of Five Guys. I have yet to taste whether that's true, because the Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese is too good to pass up. The Egg McMuffins are also to die for. I SWEAR TO GOD, this place doesn't even use the same ingredients as other McDonald's. If you're looking for a place where the fries are always hot and the patties are frequently juicy, this is your top destination for the city of New York (disclaimer: this is actually in Brooklyn, but it's worth the trip if your a true foodie).